Telling your spouse that you want to end your marriage is a far more complicated undertaking than many realize.
As such, adequate preparation will increase the chances that this turn of events will go as smoothly as the delivery of such monumental news can. With that said, the following considerations are important as spouse’s prepare to make this major life transition.
Is safety an issue?
In most cases, safety is not an issue. Yet, in marriages where violence or abuse has featured, it’s certainly worth considering how to stay safe. Some people wait until they are a safe distance away, such as when staying with friends or family, before telling their spouse it is over. Some even file for a protection order. In other cases, they have the initial divorce conversation in a public space, where the risk of their spouse reacting angrily is minimized.
The greater context of the day and week
If you’re preparing to tell your spouse that it’s over, your words will occupy both your minds for a considerable time once you utter them. It’s probably best to find a week when there is nothing pressing where these words could serve as a particularly consequential distraction, like your professional exams or your spouse’s TED talk.
You’ll also want to avoid it affecting important dates in your family’s calendar. You don’t want your daughter to forever remember her birthday as June 14, the day Mom told Dad to move out.
It’s also worth ensuring that you are prepared to handle the next steps, perhaps putting money aside to pay legal fees or contacting family to ask if you can stay. Seeking legal guidance proactively to learn how the divorce process works is also advisable so that you can make informed decisions as you move forward.