You may have all the best intentions of co-parenting amicably — or at least peacefully – with your ex. However, if they’re still harboring anger and resentment about the break-up, what caused it or what they may believe is an unfair divorce agreement, that can be a challenge.
You may find that using a co-parenting app can help you both stay current on child-related matters without directly communicating. You’ll likely still need to communicate directly. If face-to-face conversations or even phone calls are still likely to devolve into arguing, then written communications via email and text are probably the best way to go.
It’s important to be careful with these. It’s often easier for someone to read an accusation or insult into a written statement (whether it was intended or not) than a spoken one. It’s also a lot easier for people to say negative things in writing than they would to someone’s face or even on the phone.
Keep it brief and on-topic
That’s why it’s important to be as succinct as possible with your texts and emails to a challenging co-parent. Limit your communications to “who, what, when, where, how” and maybe “why.”
What if your co-parent can’t do the same? What if every communication from them includes a reminder of something you did wrong in the past or some perceived negative quality they want you to know you have?
Ignore the negativity
Skipping over the insults, lies and snark can be a challenge, but it gets easier. Just think, “same old stuff,” and focus on the question or issue you need to deal with. You can even highlight that relevant sentence or two if it’s an email.
Then, respond only to the question or subject of the communication. Keep it cordial and business-like. Think of it as communicating with a colleague you don’t care for but have to work with. It could be a one-word yes or no answer or just “confirming.” Once your co-parent realizes they can’t bait you into an argument, they’ll likely stop wasting their time trying.
Generally, these things get better as you move farther out from the divorce. Of course, if your co-parent’s animosity is creating issues that affect your child – like not sticking to the parenting schedule or not paying child support, it’s wise to get legal guidance.